


A lust for life keeps us alive

by Toomanyfandoms99



Series: (No Longer A) Secret Marriage [20]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Big Empty, F/F, M/M, Secret Marriage, Soul Bond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-29
Updated: 2018-06-29
Packaged: 2019-05-29 22:28:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15083081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Toomanyfandoms99/pseuds/Toomanyfandoms99
Summary: He forgot that he was a hunter.  He forgot that he killed monsters for a living.  He forgot that he lived in a bunker in order to remain safe.  He forgot about all the terrible things that had befallen him since he was a child.All Dean knew was that he was Castiel’s husband, and that was the only title that had any real meaning to him.





	A lust for life keeps us alive

**Author's Note:**

> The title was taken from the song “Lust for Life” by Lana Del Rey & The Weeknd. Enjoy!

Sam shouldn’t have been surprised when Charlie, Jo, and the wayward sisters plopped next to him, disturbing his reading.

He seriously wished that someone would appear and spirit him away. Gabriel, perhaps.

But Sam supposed the women were here to hound him about his new relationship with Gabriel, anyway.

Charlie batted her eyelashes mock innocently. “How are you, Samuel?”

Sam gave them Bitch Face Number 30. “Don’t call me Samuel if you want answers.” The name Samuel brought up bad memories that Sam wished he could forget and purge from his mind forever.

Charlie grinned at the last part of his sentence. “Will we get answers?”

Sam surveyed the puppy dog faces of the women in his company. “Depends. I’d figure you’d pester me the second Dean and Cas went to Vegas, so I’m partially prepared.”

“Are you now?” Jo asked, a gleam in her eye.

She had become too influenced by Charlie for Sam’s liking.

Sam sighed. “Just get it over with.”

Charlie asked, “who kissed first?”

Sam thought of when he leaned over the table and kissed Gabriel, assuaging the archangel’s fears and convincing him they could make their relationship work.

“Me.”

The women gasped.

“Not what you were expecting?” Sam asked coyly.

“I’m impressed,” Alex said.

“So, we know that you two have had sex. Who initiated?”

Sam thought of him and Gabriel kissing at the same time, Gabriel materializing a bed and Sam pushing him towards it.

“Both of us.”

“Huh,” Patience said.

“What’s something we don’t know about Gabriel?”

“There’s a lot you don’t know,” Sam replied. “The list goes on and on. I’m no expert, either.”

That intrigued the women.

“Are you saying he’s a complex character?” Charlie suggested.

“More complex than most,” Sam clarified. 

Claire frowned, as if remembering something. “He’s the last archangel. He must be quite lonely.”

“He’s got a lot on his plate.”

After a moment of reflection, Jo asked, “why did he become the leader of Heaven?”

“He had no choice, really. He didn’t want Heaven to fall into the wrong hands.”

“Has it changed, then?”

“Cas told me it has,” Sam said.

“What about Gabriel? Has he changed?”

“From when I first met him?” Sam nearly cringed thinking of the false Gabriel he once knew. That wasn’t the archangel he fell in love with. “Yeah, he’s done a complete one-eighty. He feels comfortable enough to stop his old front.”

“The overconfident front, you mean?” Charlie asked.

Sam didn’t give them enough credit for identifying Gabriel’s obvious facade. “He used to be worse. Trust me.”

“We clearly trust you,” Kaia chimed in. “I mean, we live in your house.”

Sam liked Kaia’s strange brand of humor.

“Oh, Kaia,” Claire said, rolling her eyes, “I still love you.”

“Oh, good. I was worried,” Kaia said sarcastically.

Everyone laughed, including a rare chuckle from Sam.

“Anyway, I have one final question.” Charlie paused dramatically. “How in the world did Gabriel get so attractive all of a sudden?”

“True,” Alex commented.

“I’m gay as ever,” Charlie said, “and I think Gabriel looks pretty good!”

Sam thought of when he saw Gabriel after being kidnapped by vampires. He thought of how a simple haircut framed his face to show off his masculine jawline, which Sam was pretty sure could cut glass. He thought of Gabriel’s lively eyes, switching from brown to gold to anything in between. He thought of the hoodie Gabriel wore, an article of clothing that was meant to hide someone’s body, but only accentuated his, bringing Sam’s attention to it instantly. He thought of the little sounds Gabriel made whenever they were intimate, his soft rhythmic breathing when he slept next to Sam. He thought of how youthful Gabriel looked when he was asleep, his skin seeming to glow in the starlight, reminding Sam that he was in love with an ethereal being.

Sam readily agreed that Gabriel looked “pretty good.”

“Earth to Sam!” Jo exclaimed.

Sam blinked. “I don’t know how he got so attractive all of a sudden.”

The women giggled.

“He was totally just thinking about him,” Claire said in between laughs.

“Thinking about who?”

The women gasped as Gabriel walked through the door. Sam did his best to wear a blank expression.

Gabriel was wearing a hoodie. A maroon one this time.

Fuck. Gabriel did that on purpose.

“Nothing,” the women grumbled in unison.

Nonplussed, Gabriel studied the women’s expressions carefully. He narrowed his eyes, looking particularly cross, before switching to a kind smile. “Okay then.” He addressed Sam. “Jack took a trip upstairs, and wants us to do the grocery shopping.”

Sam raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, me. But shopping alone is boring.”

Sam got up from the couch, acquiescing.

The women giggled as the couple left the room.

————

“I’m almost certain he cheated.”

Castiel observed Dean, who had his arms crossed and his eyes narrowed.

Cas couldn’t take him seriously. His suit was making it hard to think coherently. Dean’s gray suit and blue tie — an obvious nod to Cas himself — fit him nicely. The suit jacket was gathered in tightly at his waist — yet another nod to Cas’s preferred style, with the added bonus of teasing the angel until they returned to their hotel room.

Cas blinked, bringing himself back to reality.

If Dean was upset about cheating, Castiel knew exactly what to do.

It had been a moment since Cas spoke, and Dean turned to him curiously. Cas met his gaze, a devious smile contained in his irises.

Dean’s eyes sparkled. “What are you thinking, darlin’?”

Castiel tilted his head closer, his lips an inch away from Dean’s ear. “I didn’t want to mention this before, but angels have a natural, well,” Dean’s breathing became shallow at Cas’s low voice, “inclination towards games regarding luck.”

Dean’s eyes shifted to Cas’s lips, then back to his mischievous gaze. “Do you now?”

“I’ll win your money back, beautiful. And maybe a little extra for your trouble.”

Dean’s expression turned predatory. “Will you now?”

“Mhm.” The seraphim broke their shared spell, brushing his shoulder lightly. “I’ll be back.”

As Castiel went to the blackjack table, he smirked when he sensed Dean’s eyes following him the whole way there.

————

Dean swooned as he watched Cas at the blackjack table.

He was so determined, so laser-focused on his task, his poker face so airtight that Dean needed to fan himself. His husband would win his money back, without a doubt. Dean wondered how much extra cash that Cas would bring him. Dean was breathless just thinking about possible amounts.

He had no logical explanation as to why this Bonnie-and-Clyde lifestyle appealed to him, but oh, it did. At least it will for a few days.

Dean unashamedly examined his husband — wearing a tight black suit and silver tie — and watched him play expertly.

————

When Cas returned to him, he whispered in Dean’s ear, “I just doubled your money, beautiful.”

Dean swallowed thickly, Cas catching the motion and smirking. He withdrew from Dean’s personal space, getting his chips converted to dollars.

Dean sucked in some air, breathing normally.

Just when he thought he couldn’t love his husband more, he was proven wrong once again.

————

Sam didn’t know how going to the grocery store with Gabriel was so fun. Shopping was never a nice chore. It was designed to be boring.

But Gabriel made a game out of it. Gabriel would push the cart down each aisle, and Sam had to grab everything the bunker needed on that aisle before Gabriel reached the end. It was stupid, but Sam would do anything to keep Gabriel laughing.

Once they got near the end of the list, Gabriel starting making food puns. Sam wore his best poker face as he gathered items, refusing to laugh. This only encouraged Gabriel to make up more and more ridiculous puns, observing Sam closely for any breaks in his expression.

And of course, on the last item, Gabriel got him.

“Finally!” Gabriel’s laughter mingled with Sam’s. 

“Food puns still suck, Gabe.”

“But I got you!” Gabriel’s laugh gave way to a soft smile, his eyes shining brightly.

Sam’s laughter stopped at the sight. He was suddenly struck by Gabriel’s subtle beauty. Sam blushed, tearing his eyes away from Gabriel, who seemed to understand the moment Sam just had.

Gabriel didn’t mention it, carting them away to the checkout line.

————

Castiel woke up, hearing Dean’s soft breaths as he tilted his head upwards. Cas realized his heart was racing, and Dean observed him with forest eyes, smiling softly.

Cas looked down at his husband listening to his heartbeat, meeting his gaze with a loving expression. 

“Happy anniversary, darlin’.”

Cas’s chest rose and fell, his heart going wild at the quiet intensity of Dean’s gaze. He couldn’t help but smile back. “Happy anniversary, beautiful.”

Dean leaned forward and pressed a feather light kiss to Cas’s lips, the bond setting them on fire. “Lucky number seven,” Dean remarked. “This is going to be a good year. I can feel it.”

Castiel couldn’t help but get caught up in Dean’s happiness. “I can’t argue with that logic.”

————

Gabriel stuck around the bunker for the first time since last year. His reasoning was, “you always need to have an angel around, and I’m your substitute for Cassie until he comes back from his annual sex vacation with Dean, okay?”

The women laughed.

“Sex vacation,” Jo repeated, laughing harder.

“You know I’m right,” Gabriel added.

“Didn’t need to hear that,” Bobby muttered.

————

Dean wanted to faint when he saw where Cas had taken him. “A buffet,” Dean breathed, his mouth already watering.

“Go forth,” Cas said, “and eat all the pie you can find.”

Dean looked at Cas, awestruck. “I love you.”

“I know.”

————

“I don’t think I can move, Cas.”

Castiel eyed Dean, lying nearly comatose on their hotel room couch, and said, “you did it to yourself. Not that I can blame you.”

Dean smiled up at Cas. “You really know how to please a guy, don’t you?”

“Only you, Dean.”

Dean chuckled. “Wanna come here and watch a trashy hotel-provided movie with me?”

Cas walked closer to Dean, looking down at him on the couch. “How can I deny such an offer?”

And so the couple laid on the couch together, watching a bad action movie in complete contentment.

————

“Can you win on a slot machine?”

Cas shrugged. “Let’s find out.”

————

Cas, indeed, could win on a slot machine.

————

“Castiel Winchester, will you remarry me?”

Cas tore his gaze away from the wedding chapel in front of them to see his husband on one knee, looking up at him with such reverence and sweetness his heart skipped a beat.

Castiel decided to toy with Dean. It was cruel, but he couldn’t help himself. “What would happen if I said no?”

Dean pouted like a puppy dog, then became more playful. “Well, darlin’, I suppose I would withhold sex. And I know you’ve grown to love it as much as I do.”

Cas considered this for an excruciatingly long moment, Dean watching him closely. “I suppose I’ll marry you again, Dean Winchester.”

Dean smiled, standing up and kissing Cas. When he pulled away, Dean remained in the angel’s personal space. “You look unbelievably beautiful, by the way.”

Castiel glanced down at his sapphire suit and black tie. He bit his lip nervously. “It isn’t too much?”

Dean shook his head. “No, darlin’. You can pull off any outfit, trust me. Besides, we’re in Vegas.”

Cas surveyed Dean’s standard black suit and olive tie. “You look nice too, I guess.” 

“I think I look more than nice. Go ahead and say it, husband of mine.”

Cas checked to make sure no one could overhear them. He said genuinely, his cheeks stained pink, “you look beautiful, beautiful.”

Dean grinned. “I love when you get all mushy. Now let’s get remarried.”

Castiel took his hand, leading his husband into the chapel.

————

Consummating their second marriage was entirely different.

After their secret marriage, the hunter and the angel consummated desperately and passionately, as if they expected a monster to break in and steal one of them at any moment.

This time, Dean and Cas were slow and deliberate, drawing out every movement and every touch like they had all the time in the world. It felt good, and right, and perfect.

When — after hours and hours — the couple settled on their soft-as-a-cloud mattress, they felt that something had changed in them. Something indescribable.

Dean and Cas stared at each other, half of their faces obscured by their respective pillows. Dean raised a hand slowly towards Cas, caressing his husband’s cheek. Cas closed his eyes and hummed, time seeming to slow down for Dean. The hunter examined Cas’s kiss-swollen lips, his long eyelashes fanning his cheeks, his calm breathing pattern. 

Dean saved the image in his mind, wishing that he had his Polaroid camera to capture this moment. He felt so light, so weightless in his husband’s presence. And, for a long moment, Dean forgot everything except Cas.

He forgot that he was a hunter. He forgot that he killed monsters for a living. He forgot that he lived in a bunker in order to remain safe. He forgot about all the terrible things that had befallen him since he was a child. 

All Dean knew was that he was Castiel’s husband, and that was the only title that had any real meaning to him.

Dean Winchester, husband to Castiel Winchester.

The ominous ‘they’ could take away everything else from him, strip him away to nothing. But as long as he had Cas, he would always be Cas’s husband. That was all he needed.

Cas opened his eyes, looking surprised.

Was Dean broadcasting his feelings by accident?

Oh.

Cas’s expression went from shocked to soft in under a second. Dean blushed profusely.

How much of Dean’s thoughts did Cas receive?

Cas studied Dean closely, a little in awe.

All of them, it seemed.

Dean swallowed a lump in his throat, casting his eyes downwards, staring at the bedsheets. The hunter felt Cas open a mental link.

They hadn’t done that since…

Dean banished the unpleasant memory.

Cas sent: “I have many titles, you know. Angel of the Lord. Angel of Thursdays. Angel of Temperance. Angel of Tears.”

Dean looked up at the last title, eyebrows furrowed.

Cas sent: “Seraphim of Heaven. Legacy of Hades. Traitor. Brethren Slayer.”

Dean winced at the last two, knowing those were his fault.

Cas sent: “It was my own fault. Now listen.”

Dean listened.

Cas sent: “None of those mean anything to me. I’m Castiel Winchester, husband to Dean Winchester. That’s all that matters.”

Dean nodded, feeling tears forming. He sent Cas the list of words for love in Enochian through the link, Cas’s eyes watering. Dean boldly leaned forward and kissed Cas softly. He sent: “Good night, Castiel Winchester.”

Cas sent: “Good night, Dean Winchester.”

————

“You’ve been awfully positive lately.”

Gabriel met Sam’s gaze, realizing that they were alone in one of the bunker’s rooms. “I’m at the top of a wave,” Gabriel said. “I won’t come crashing down yet.”

Sam bit the inside of his cheek. He was feeling particularly bold today. He offered his hand. “Come to bed.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened immediately.

“I don’t have nightmares when you’re there. Don’t make a big deal out of it.”

Gabriel blinked. His voice was tentative, almost childlike. “I fight off your nightmares?”

“I’ve been having less of them, since we got together. Now come on. I’m tired.”

Gabriel stood up and let the hunter lead him to his bedroom. When Sam shut the door, Gabriel examined the furniture and commented, “I’ve never been in such a cute boy’s room before.”

Sam snickered and — clad in an old tee and sweatpants — laid on his bed. Gabriel went to his side, remaining in a black hoodie and sweatpants. “Comfy?” Sam asked.

“Mhm.”

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” 

Gabriel — looking especially adorable in his hoodie — kissed Sam softly. “Good night, Hercules.”

“Night.”

————

Sam was transported to Gabriel’s dreamscape mansion. He appeared in the giant house’s main chamber. Gabriel was projecting The Dark Knight Rises on a blank wall large enough to be a movie screen. 

Sam saw the archangel himself lying on a bed of oddly-patterned blankets and smiling up at the action on screen. As Sam got closer, Gabriel seemed to sense him. He tilted his head to the side. “Sam!” Gabriel’s grin was brighter than the cosmos. 

The hunter reflected on the complete turnaround his other half had done since his depressive episode. Gabriel just might be Sam’s idol. If he could deal with his issues for so long, Sam could handle his nightmares and mental trauma.

Sam laid in Gabriel’s nest of blankets beside him, glancing up at the movie. After a few minutes, Gabriel said, “I’m almost afraid to ask.”

Sam looked at an apprehensive Gabriel. “About my nightmares?”

Gabriel nodded in affirmation.

“I think if you can confide in me, I can confide in you. Don’t be afraid to ask me things.”

“Okay,” Gabriel breathed, “are they about Lucifer?”

“Some are,” Sam replied, thinking of the time he saw Lucifer’s true form. The memory was becoming more and more faded, Lucifer’s effects on his mind washing away as days turned to months turned to years. “I don’t think about him often.”

Gabriel sighed in relief. The air between them was suddenly filled with an indescribable feeling of softness.

Perhaps that was Gabriel’s presence. A softness, a comforting aura.

“Cassie told me that you both talked about it. He said that it helped you both.”

“It did,” Sam said genuinely. “I mostly dream of monsters and dying, the usual.” He paused, wondering if he should voice a recent nightmare he had.

Sensing his hesitation, Gabriel said, “you don’t have to-”

“I should...I should say it out loud.” Sam took a breath, looking at the movie again. “I had a dream about my father recently. I haven’t thought about him in so long that I’d almost forgotten.” Sam could picture a vague image of his father, even now. “I’d almost forgotten how much he’d ruined me, even before Lucifer got ahold of me. It seems that I still have unresolved daddy issues, and I’m a fucking grown man.”

After a stretch of silence, Gabriel said, “join the club.”

Sam looked at Gabriel again.

“We all have unresolved daddy issues,” Gabriel clarified. His expression turned sympathetic. “I’m glad your dad is still in Hell. I’ve gathered a general picture of him over the years, and, well, I’m pretty sure everyone in the bunker would want to sock him in the jaw if he were alive. Especially me. And Cassie.”

Sam inhaled and exhaled deeply. “I’m thinking about it, and I’m ashamed to say I like the image.”

“Don’t feel ashamed. It made you feel a little better, didn’t it?”

“Maybe...”

“Think about your saint of a mother instead.”

Sam turned to his side, matching Gabriel’s position. “How is my mom, anyway?”

Gabriel smiled, launching into stories of Mary’s troublemaking whereabouts in Heaven. Sam listened intently, surprised at how content Gabriel made him feel.

————

Dean rarely woke up before Cas. Every time he did, he would study his husband’s expression.

This morning, a ghost of a smile was on the angel’s face. Dean wanted to know what he was thinking about. Even after years and years, it could be difficult to discern what was going on in Cas’s mind.

Was Cas dreaming? Dean knew angels could dream, albeit rarely. Was it a nice dream? Was Cas somewhere else entirely? Was he simply sleeping? 

Was Cas thinking about him?

Cas’s nose scrunched, a telltale sign that he was regaining consciousness. His mouth quirked upwards a little more, as if remembering what made him smile. Finally, Cas opened his eyes, his eyelashes fluttering.

Cas blinked away his shock at seeing Dean awake.

The hunter smiled. “Happy bond-iversary.”

The seraphim smiled right back. “Happy bond-iversary.”

Dean kissed Cas quickly. “What were you thinking about?”

Cas furrowed his eyebrows. “Hm?”

“You were thinking about something, before you woke up.”

Recognition highlighted Cas’s features, a blush overcoming his cheeks. “I was thinking about you, of course. I don’t think about much else.”

Dean felt his face heat up. “Yeah?”

“I was thinking about vacation Dean.”

Dean thought of their last anniversary, how Cas completely wrecked him. “The real me?” 

Cas smirked. “Mhm. I missed you, beautiful. A year is too long to wait.”

“Maybe we should do this twice a year instead.”

“That’s a tantalizing offer, but we’d never get anything done.”

Dean pulled himself closer, whispering, “I would be satisfying my husband. That’s my most important task, isn’t it?”

Cas clicked his tongue, his eyes desirous. “It is. Now kiss me, husband.”

Dean kissed him.

————

It was always difficult for Sam to get from the sleeping world to the waking world. Thankfully, his mind was quiet last night. 

All because of Gabriel.

Gabriel, who was watching him with a soft smile. “Good morning. Sleep well?”

Sam admired his other half’s whiskey eyes. “I did.”

“You slept like a rock,” Gabriel observed. He slipped out of bed, completely alert. He snapped his fingers, switching from a black to a brown hoodie. “I’m gonna go make pancakes.”

“Pancakes?”

Gabriel grinned broadly. “Pancakes.” He rounded the bed, leaning to press a kiss on Sam’s forehead. The hunter melted into the intimate touch, his eyes fluttering closed. Sam smiled at the soft press of Gabriel’s lips, humming a little. When Gabriel withdrew, Sam met his shining eyes. “Like that, hm?”

“It’s nice,” Sam admitted.

“Good to know,” Gabriel muttered, switching back to an easy smile. “Okay. Pancakes. Go get ready.”

Sam sighed, getting out of bed. He stuck out his tongue before going to the bathroom.

“Hey!”

————

“Oh. My. God.”

Charlie had just taken her first bite of the fluffiest buttermilk pancakes known to man.

Gabriel eyed her curiously. “Good?”

“Yes,” Jo said. “Incredible.”

“Ten out of ten,” Claire said between mouthfuls.

Gabriel fought back a blush. “Don’t let Cassie catch wind of this. It’ll be our secret, okay?”

The women giggled.

“Mom, what do you think?” Jo asked.

Everyone turned to Ellen.

“Not bad,” Ellen said nonchalantly.

Jo grinned at Gabriel. “That means good. You’re in!”

“What do you have to say, Sam?” Patience pried.

Everyone turned to Sam.

“They’re good. Yeah.”

Underwhelmed by his answer, Charlie asked, “can you keep Gabriel forever? I want these pancakes every day.”

There were a few giggles throughout the breakfast table.

“I’ll see what I can do,” Sam replied. He met Gabriel’s eyes for a split second, getting a resounding yes as his answer.

————

“‘S pretty.”

Dean and Cas were watching the Bellagio fountain at night, jets of water cast in a rainbow light as they went this way and that. The couple was practically leaning on each other, unable to part for less than a second.

Dean loved when they ended up this way. In their own little world, in a shared haze, with a population of two. The hunter felt untouchable in his husband’s close and attentive presence. If a monster were to dare pop their bubble of happiness, Dean had no doubt that Cas would slit its throat in three seconds flat.

Cas hummed in agreement.

After another moment of silence, Dean said softly, “we should get outta here tomorrow morning.”

Cas raised an eyebrow. “Leave a day early?”

“I wanna go back somewhere.”

Cas took a guess. “San Francisco?”

A flash of color from the fountain played across Dean’s face. Cas’s eyes grew dark, reminded of the Aurora Borealis. Dean batted his eyelashes.

Cas recovered quickly. “Do you want that ice cream again?”

Dean bit his lip.

“That’s a yes. There’s no need to be embarrassed that you like ice cream more than pie.”

Dean gasped overdramatically. “I could never. But that ice cream is damn good, okay?”

Cas chuckled, resting his head on Dean’s shoulder. “I can’t argue with that.”

————

“What have you been doing all day?”

Gabriel — embarrassed — answered honestly, “raising my likeability factor.”

Sam blinked. “Am I supposed to know what that means?”

Gabriel surveyed Sam’s room absentmindedly. “I’ve successfully gotten everyone to accept me.”

Sam seemed to cross the room in a flash, Gabriel turning with wide eyes to see the hunter incredibly close to him. 

Gabriel tilted his head up, adjusting to Sam’s unusual tallness. “Can I help you?”

Sam’s irises contained a storm, Gabriel startled at the intensity within them.

Was this good or bad?

Sam asked, “is that why you’ve been overly happy? You were secretly worried about whether my family liked you or not?”

Gabriel swallowed. He both enjoyed and hated how easily Sam could read him. Not even his brothers were so skilled at understanding him in regards to this tactic. He stuck his hands in his hoodie pockets, staring downwards. “Maybe a little,” Gabriel mumbled.

Gabriel felt a soft hand grasp his jaw, tilting his head upwards again. Gabriel looked into Sam’s eyes, the eyes of the man he loves.

“You’re a perfect match for me,” Sam stated, as if it were an indisputable fact. “I’m flattered that you would do that, and put yourself through that for me.” Sam’s mouth quirked upwards. “You continue to surprise me, Gabe.”

Gabriel could barely breathe. “Are you saying that you plan on staying with me?”

Sam’s eyes pierced through his. “That wasn’t in any doubt.”

Okay, Gabriel needed to breathe. Inhale, exhale.

“Oh?” Gabriel prompted.

As expected, Sam captured Gabriel’s lips in his.

Gabriel loves kissing Sam. It shut down the nagging thoughts in his head, all of his conflicting emotions, until all he felt was love and gentleness and contentment. He was simply Gabriel, Sam’s other half. 

Gabriel realized that one of his hands was in Sam’s hair of its own accord, and that Sam was holding him tightly now. The situation was evolving into more than just a kiss.

And who was Gabriel to deny Sam from what he clearly wanted tonight?

Gabriel deepened the kiss, causing Sam to moan.

Gabriel loves that sound. He loves all of Sam’s sounds, actually.

Sam pulled away softly, licking his lips and staring at Gabriel’s.

Gabriel smiled and said huskily, “take me to that nice bed of yours.”

Sam swallowed. “You’re sure?”

“Of course. Now kiss me again.”

Sam kissed him again.

————

When Castiel saw a stand selling band tees on the San Francisco pier, he knew it was all over.

Dean’s grin was blinding as he grasped Cas’s hand. He pulled Cas close to him. “Please, darlin’?”

Cas scowled.

Dean bounced on the balls of his feet. “Pretty please, husband, beautiful, darlin’, light of my life, my angel, may I buy some more band tees so that I can parade your gorgeous physique around the bunker and make my entire family jealous that you’re mine?”

Castiel snorted. “That was all very oddly specific.”

“Darlin’, my one true love, my everything, my salvation, my savior, my hero, will you pretty please let me buy you nice things with a tiny fraction of the money we won in Vegas?”

Cas knew he was going to cave. Seeing Dean, vacation Dean, the real Dean, so gorgeous and attentive and happy was hard to be angry at. Cas sighed deeply. “Five shirts only.”

“I love you so much.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “Let’s just go.”

Dean yanked him towards the little store, Castiel having no choice but to follow.

————

Dean took a spoonful of chocolate ice cream and declared to his husband, “it’s even better than I remembered.”

“All good things are,” Cas said sagely, taking his own bite of ice cream.

————

Gabriel liked watching Sam when he slept. 

And sure, it sounded creepy, but he swore it wasn’t.

Gabriel always woke up before Sam, so he would get to study his other half’s peaceful face as he slept. The issues that usually plagued Sam’s waking hours — and his nightmares as well — vanished, leaving a gentle giant behind.

Gabriel loves Sam’s messy hair, his high cheekbones, his rough jawline, his soft stubble, his pink lips. And he only got to observe those things completely unencumbered when Sam let his guard down in sleep.

It was his favorite thing to see.

Well, besides...the other thing. Yeah.

That’s when Sam woke up.

Ocean eyes met whiskey ones. Gabriel batted his eyelashes nervously, a red blush overcoming his cheeks. He brushed a strand of hair away from Sam’s face. “Hi.”

“Hi, Gabe. Did you sleep okay?”

“I did. You?”

“Mhm.”

Gabriel sighed in relief. “That’s good.”

Sam asked boldly, “wanna shower with me?”

And wow, Gabriel did not compute.

Sam. Wanted. To. Shower. With. Him.

Holy shit.

Gabriel blinked a few times, clearing his throat. “Okay.”

————

Sam found Gabriel geeking out with everyone while watching The Avengers.

Sam took in the image and went to the library instead.

————

“Ready to go back tomorrow?” Dean smiled brightly, entrapping a sated Cas into his arms. “Don’t get me wrong, I love being with you, just us together, but I’m ready.”

Cas hummed. “I feel the same way.”

————

Dean and Cas couldn’t believe what they just walked in to.

The entire bunker was split into two sides, a chessboard between them. Gabriel was on one side, and Kevin was on the other. Sam sat incredibly close to Gabriel, and Charlie sat next to Kevin. Everyone else was watching from behind either team or on the sidelines.

It seemed to be the most intense game of chess ever played, Sam and Charlie partnering with their respective boyfriend and friend as an acceptable cheat.

Claire saw them first. “Hey, look who it is!”

Everyone turned to Dean and Cas. They got a few polite hellos, but everyone still seemed to be focused on the game.

“Pick a side, losers,” Charlie called out to the couple.

Dean met Cas’s eyes in confusion. The angel’s gaze was coy. He sat on Kevin and Charlie’s side, getting a few “ooh’s” for doing so.

“No sparring for a week,” Gabriel muttered.

“Fine,” Cas said happily.

Gabriel narrowed his eyes.

Before he could add anything more, Dean went to Gabriel and Sam’s side, getting even louder “ooh’s.”

“Couple fight!” Charlie exclaimed.

Dean and Cas rolled their eyes. 

————

When Gabriel won the match by the skin of his teeth, everyone was shocked.

Except Sam, who was smiling like an idiot.

Dean and Cas observed the new couple with interest.

Dean sent a mental message: “We’re so much better than them.”

Cas sent: “You bet we are.”

————

When Gabriel had to get back to leading Heaven, Dean found Sam on his favorite maroon couch in his favorite boring room. Sam was deep in thought, staring at a blank space on the wall.

Dean sat next to him. “What’s on your mind, Sammy?”

Sam suddenly looked afraid.

What didn’t he want to tell his own brother?

Sam blurted out, “I had a nightmare about Dad.”

Dean blinked in shock. They were more in sync than he thought. “So did I. A few weeks ago.”

Sam’s eyes widened. “Why are we thinking about him all of a sudden? He’s been dead for so long.”

Dean sighed, the faded image of his father jumping into the forefront of his mind. “We might have...I don’t know, unresolved issues about him.” Dean glanced at his wedding band, thinking about how much his father would hate him if he saw Dean now. “I know what mine are. What about you?”

Sam thought about this for a moment.

Dean’s imagination ran wild in the silence. What would happen if John Winchester suddenly appeared back in his life again? 

Dean wouldn’t know how to deal with that.

Sam suggested, “we’ve both changed a lot since he died. Especially you.” Sam laughed a little. “He wouldn’t even fucking recognize you.” At Dean’s scared reaction, Sam assured him, “that’s a wonderful thing. Emotionally repressed Dean wasn’t a picnic to talk to, you know.”

Dean thought of the old Dean. The old Dean was his father’s little obedient soldier. The old Dean drank alcohol by the gallon and had sex with any girl that looked at him. The old Dean was not happy in the slightest. The only thing that got him through life was Sam, his smart and rebellious little brother, the boy who had the guts to disobey their tyrant father. Dean was glad that version of himself was gone forever.

Dean said, “if he were to walk through that door, you would have to hold me back from fighting him, just like I had to do for you.”

This visibly surprised Sam. “You’re saying that you hate him now? Because I don’t anymore.”

“Yes,” Dean confirmed, “his stupid homophobia set me back years with Cas.”

Sam was silent. His brother’s startling honesty displayed yet another way he had changed. “I suppose it did. He destroyed us more than we consciously know.”

“You’re right, Yoda.”

Sam rolled his eyes.

Dean said, “I guess we just have to keep going on with it, then. There’s no other way to get past this.”

Sam nodded. “We’ll do this. It’s just another obstacle to overcome.”

Dean agreed. “Now, I gotta ask,” Dean looked around, as if expecting someone to overhear somehow, “is Gabriel good in bed or what?”

Sam sighed deeply.

“Just tell me! I’ll be quiet about it.”

Sam said truthfully, “yeah. You were right. Sex with an angel is better than women.”

Dean grinned. “I never steer you wrong, Sammy.”

“Well, actually-”

Dean stood up abruptly. “We’re not doing that. Goodbye.”

Sam chuckled as his brother left.

————

When Gabriel asked Sam to meet him somewhere, he knew it couldn’t be for a good reason.

Jack teleported him on top of the rafters of a baseball field, a game occurring below them, then zapped away.

Gabriel was perched on the rafters comfortably, staring down at the game pensively. Trying not to be frightened, Sam sat by Gabriel’s side. The archangel’s face was unreadable, Sam’s first warning that something was amiss.

His other half’s tone was devoid of emotion. “Lucifer actually killed me in that Pagan god meeting, you know.” A beat. “I was dead for three years. I was trapped in an eternal sleep.”

This was all news to Sam. Why hadn’t Gabriel mentioned this before?

“I just know that there was darkness, before I came back. Darkness, as I relived my mistakes over and over, like a never-ending nightmare. When Cassie told me that he was in the same place before he escaped, it all came flooding back to me. I realized that I was in the Big Empty too, the place where angels suffer in their afterlives.”

One of the baseball teams below scored a home run, a large commotion coming from the crowd as an ant-sized player rounded the bases.

Gabriel’s mouth quirked upwards. “Cassie thinks that Father saved me. He might be right, but I can’t be sure.” He paused. “There’s a monster, you know. In the Big Empty. A being as old as God. It can shapeshift. Cassie tried to face it, but it only hurt him.” Gabriel swallowed a lump in his throat. “When I saw that thing, I remembered that I had seen it, in the split second between waking up and being transported back to Earth. And I have this feeling. This unexplainable feeling.” Gabriel finally looked at Sam again, his eyes watering. “Something bad is going to happen. That monster could get out. And I don’t know what it would do.”

Sam grasped Gabriel’s hand. His other half looked at him in shock, but squeezed back. “You can get ahead of the curve. There must be a spell out there that’s strong enough to hold it.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened in awe. “You’re so smart. There should be something to keep the monster in the Big Empty! Somewhere in the world, on some plane of existence, there has to be. I refuse to believe that there isn’t.” Gabriel grinned. “I knew that talking to you would help.” He kissed Sam quickly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of this part will be out next weekend. Kudos and comments are appreciated!


End file.
